What are limiting beliefs and how to change them
Have you ever felt like you can’t change some aspect of your life, find yourself living the same situations over and over again, or are unable to reach your dreams and live to your fullest potential for reasons you don’t fully understand?
Then this article is for you.
We are born as beings without filters
We are born not perceiving the separation between things, without preconceptions, without judgments, without a defined concept of the self. As we grow, like sponges we collect everything that comes to us from others and the experiences we live form us in a certain way.
Here we are from unlimited beings with infinite potential, without limits in fact, we become finite beings with limits that we have self-imposed and of which we are not even aware. Here we begin to wear pink, blue, green or simply fogged glasses and with this filter we see the world. The most absurd thing is that then life, being a reflection of what we think and are, reconfirms exactly what we believe, because we will continue to attract the same type of experiences that confirm precisely our limiting beliefs. and adequately the true essence of this concept.
Limiting beliefs are when a person accepts something as true.
But this does not mean that this thing is really true, it only means that it is what we think is true. Maybe it is true but there is also another side to the coin. Because in this universe everything is possible and therefore many things can be true in both one way and another.
Let’s take an example: Let’s imagine that I believe that all men are bad or cold, or incapable of being deep and romantic. This belief is supported by past negative experiences with men of this type. And having this belief, they continue to manifest themselves and by wearing these glasses I am able to recognize and see only this type of men. The truth is that men of all genders exist. So if it is true that some are cold and emotionally unavailable, it is also true that others are romantic, sweet and kind. In the world, both realities exist and it is depending on our beliefs that we see and experience only one of the two versions of reality.
A limiting belief is simply a repetitive thought or a story that we have repeated so many times that it has become a belief that conditions our entire life. It limits us because it influences the image we have of ourselves, the choices we make and how we see the world. Often these beliefs are irrational but remain stuck in our brain because repetition has created stronger and therefore more automatic neural connections.
It is important to become aware of these beliefs in order to change your life and not live on autopilot. It is precisely our beliefs, thoughts, emotions and actions that create and manifest our only reality, and therefore we must start by looking inside ourselves to change them and be able to begin to see great changes in our lives.
But where do they come from?
From 0 to about 7 years of age, we are like sponges. We collect everything that is said or done to us without filters and without judgments and we store it in large boxes inside our unconscious mind. Obviously, what happens to us after the age of 7 also influences us and we store it, but over time we are able to actively filter and choose what we want to make our own and what we do not want to accept as true.
The side that not many people think about is that these beliefs are linked to and reinforced by an emotion.
When we live a negative or positive experience that has a very strong emotional charge, the judgment and thought that we have attributed to it is directly inserted into our internal library of beliefs, because the strong emotion signals to the brain that it is something very important to remember.
Let’s give some examples in this case too.
If parents constantly criticize their child, the child will grow up not loving himself, believing that there is something intrinsically wrong with him and will consequently have low self-esteem. He will tend to seek approval and validation from others, because he believes that he is not enough. The same goes if a teacher tells the child that he is not intelligent: he will believe it because he was told by an authority figure, to whom he gives importance.
Beliefs are also created in a more subtle and insidious way when something is not necessarily explicitly told to us but is transmitted to us through behaviors that indicate something. If you grow up in a family where parents tend to be very protective and controlling of their children, they can develop the belief that they are weak and that the outside world is a threat, that they are not safe on their own.
More obvious are the beliefs that are created because of traumatic experiences, that is, those with a particularly high and strong emotional charge. If you are raped, it is quite clear that you will develop a belief that men are aggressive and that the world is threatening. If you have been in an abusive relationship, it is clear that you develop beliefs about relationships, the opposite sex and yourself.
The most important step is to realize that these beliefs are not true facts, but simply something you have taken from others and from your experiences. But as experiences they are subjective. Furthermore, realizing that beliefs are simply repeated thoughts and emotions helps to understand that they appear so true and natural to us only because the brain has created neural pathways over time that have made them automatic.
How do they harm me?
Limiting beliefs actually limit our life and block us from achieving our desires.
They are behind the things you are afraid to do, the low self-esteem, the excuses you give yourself, the toxic relationships you have, and the financial difficulties.
Many studies have shown that they generate anxiety and depression.
Examples of common beliefs
The most common belief is that we are not worthy of love and that we are not enough.
This leads, for example, to always falling into toxic relationships or to not asking for a raise or to not sending a CV for the job of your dreams.
It leads to being treated badly by everyone because you believe deep down that your needs and wants are not valid.
Maybe you’re convinced that everything sucks and life is difficult, simply because you grew up in an environment of people who had a negative attitude towards life.
Maybe you wonder how as soon as the money comes in it goes away, and you don’t understand why you are always short of money. It seems that earning a lot is impossible for you.
A few examples:
LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS:
- I don’t deserve love / there is no true love, perfect love
- All the good ones have already been taken
- I’m afraid of being rejected
- I’m not enough or up to par
WORK AND CAREER:
- I don’t have the qualifications and qualities to be a success
- I could never do that thing (even if I wanted to)
- I don’t have the talent or the ability
- Successful people just got lucky
MONEY:
- Rich people are superficial, mean
- I’ll never make that much money, I can’t do it, I’m not good with money
ABOUT THE WORLD AND PEOPLE:
- Women are all manipulators
- I’m not safe, the world is violent and dangerous
- People always disappoint you
- I can’t trust anyone
- Men are only interested in sex.
The good news
The good news is that nothing is permanent and you always have the option and ability to change what doesn’t serve you for your better.
You’ve done it before. You believed in the tooth fairy or Santa Claus for many years, and yet now you don’t believe in them anymore.
Looking inside yourself, discovering your dark side, working on something that seems so true to us can be scary and unpleasant, it can be destabilizing, but taking responsibility for your life means taking back the power, it means remembering that you are your own boss. No longer giving up the power to drive the car to our beliefs, which moreover come from others and we have made them our own over time, and taking back control of your life.
You too can do as many artists and famous people have done, who have gone from complete poverty to becoming multi-billionaires, completely changing their “identity” from “the poor” to “the rich”.
We can create new neural pathways, and we can stop being controlled by the past.
The 4 steps to overcome limiting beliefs
1. Become aware of it
The key to any change and any healing is to become aware of what has been on autopilot until now, and therefore managed at an unconscious level.
To understand where your negative beliefs are hiding, analyze your life and observe what doesn’t work, what is negative, what you can’t achieve, what always goes wrong, and what repeats itself over and over again in a loop.
Start from a specific area: relationships, love, money, career, self-esteem. What is not working? You will see that often the beliefs you discover you have condition different areas of your life. For example, if you are convinced that you are not enough, it will probably be explained by low self-esteem, difficulties in relationships and love, and difficulties even in your work.
Observe during a day the thoughts you have, as if you were a third party who without judgment marks what you are thinking and doing. What stories are you telling yourself? You will notice that many of the thoughts all come from the same root.
Meditate! Meditation is an exceptional tool to get in touch with yourself and bring to the surface what always remains in the shadows. It will allow you to realize things that perhaps you didn’t even think you had been carrying around for years.
Observe the emotions you feel when you think about your beliefs. Those are indicative of the emotional charge that will need to be deactivated.
2. Understand what story you’re telling yourself
Every belief is associated with a story, or rather an interpretation.
Let’s take an example:
Experience: Bullying at school
Story: I’m a loser, people don’t love me, I’m worthless, my needs aren’t important
Resulting belief: I am not enough
So start asking yourself the following questions:
- Why do I believe this?
- When did I start believing this?
- Was there anyone who told me to believe this or passed this belief on to me?
- Where has this belief taken me? What has it manifested in my life?
- Has this belief brought me benefits and positive things?
Write down an answer to these questions, and think about your past experiences.
3. Rewrite history
Think about the stories you’ve told yourself and the beliefs you’ve formed. And then dismantle them. Dismantle your arguments with other arguments, as if it were a debate between you and another person.
Are these beliefs true or are they only partial or completely false?
Why are they false?
Look for evidence that refutes these beliefs.
If you think that something is not possible for you, for example, how to become rich or how to heal from a chronic condition, search the internet for videos and testimonials of people like you who have done it.
By doing so, you give your brain access to conflicting experiences and information that no longer confirm your belief.
Write down a paragraph that dismantles the belief and that you can reread when you need to.
4. Choose a new best belief
Now actively choose what you want to believe. Choose a positive belief that instead of being limiting amplifies your potential, makes you feel unlimited.
An example might be:
From “life sucks and everything is difficult” to “everything flows easily to me”, “everything is easy”
From “I am worthless and not enough” to “I am enough, my needs are worthwhile and I am worthy of love and every good thing in this world.”
From “the world is threatening and I’m not safe” to “actually the world is full of beautiful people and love and I’m safe.”
5. Repeat with consistency
The new beliefs you have written down will not be stored in your brain once you have written them down, since your brain is still wired to give more importance and weight to those that have been firmly established within you for a long time.
It takes consistency and practice. It takes repeating to yourself like a mantra every day the new belief you want to adopt. Repetition is the only way to create new pathways and neural connections in the brain.
At first it will seem like you are saying false things, but that is normal because you do not believe it yet. In fact, a technique to create less resistance and not feel negative emotions when you repeat the mantra is to add at the beginning of the sentence: “I choose to believe”, “I have decided to believe that”. This removes a lot of negative charge, a lot of resistance, since you are deciding to do something.
Limiting beliefs are a bit like a bad habit
Several studies show that after just 21 days of repeated actions, you can get into gear and make a new habit more automatic. So start for 21 days and see how things will change.
In addition to wanting to engage the new belief in your brain, you must deactivate the neural pathways of the old limiting one. This is why every time you find yourself thinking in the old way, you must notice, stop and make the choice in that moment to think with the newly selected belief. The less you practice the old thoughts, the weaker the neural connections that create the automatism will become and the easier and more natural it will be for you to think differently than you did before.
To give more credibility to your new belief, you can also start a sort of journal that contains your evidence. Every time you notice something in your life experience that supports your new belief, take note of it and write it down in a journal or in your notes. Little by little, just as you previously had a list of evidence that confirmed your limiting belief, you will create a list of evidence that supports the new positive belief, and it will become easier and easier for you to believe it.
And for the rest, lie down on the couch and watch how your life will change before your eyes, reflecting back the work you have done on yourself.
